One Family . . Blow Horn . . One 'Chiled'

Driving in India makes a complete man. In Kerala, a perfect man.

Truly. You could learn everything if you don't mind spending a few hours regularly on Indian roads - walking or driving, or still better, riding a two wheeler. If you feel you don't have the time to do so, welcome to Kerala, for a crash course.

The faster, the better. We choose the latter.

If you want to learn what's dictatorship, watch a tipper for a while - if you can manage to. Making way for itself, respectful of no one who comes along is part of their duty.

If you haven't learned of 'hereditary dictatorship' in your political classes, watch for a private bus to pass by, followed by a Kochi city service bus. You've now learned it exempli gratia.

If you want to learn how to take chances, watch for two-wheelers here. Close your eyes if you find anyone going without a helmet. That's called 'idiocy' on wheels.

If you want to learn whatever family planning schemes India has implemented or proposed, miss no comments written behind National Permit trucks.[One Family . . Blow Horn ... One 'chiled' , We one..Stop..Ours One , We Two ..NP.. Ours Two,... ]

Don't forget to call God in emergency times, you'll be well-taught to do so, if you could read the 'Daivame...' written at least at two places on every load carrier in Kerala, including those killer tippers.

If you find it difficult to believe power 'breaks', read what's written behind mini-trucks and ambassador cars.

Interested in Romantic poetry? Watching rickshaws is your job for the day, to see what’s written on their mudflaps.

To see how bribery works and bribers don’t, just have a look at the roads in Kerala. It’s not because people not paying taxes, but the taxes we pay are going to individuals, through the government methods and institutions.

And to find how daylight robbery works, go to any petrol bunk you see around, and ask for petrol price of the day.

The myth called Roads in Kerala

And finally, I'm about to start writing about something that doesn't really exist in my perspective -
'Roads in Kerala'. After driving a few tens of thousands of kilometers
through the roads in middle Kerala, I fail to convince myself there are proper roads in my state.

Some say ours is the state with the best road network in India. I'd in some way agree with it. In 2 ways -to be precise. It's a big net in which many of us, including me too, have been trapped, and there's always some work going on, either a water connection or some cable works.

But consider puzzles. The more complicated it is, the better it is said to be. If you can solve it in 2 hours, you'd say 'an average' puzzle, if you can solve it in one day, it's 'a bit complicated', and if you can't solve it at all, you can say it's a 'superb' puzzle. or say it's like what we call 'roads' in Kerala.

But whatever, it should be agreed that it is we mallus who have the most homely feel
while on the road. You can see people discussing all things under sky, freely standing in the road, especially in junctions. The buy and sell cows, they fix marriages, they plan the future of their children, all standing on the tarmac, just because they feel so homely while at it, unknowingly though it can spoil their future in a split second. If you feel that's not so, just take your bike and wander through the streets in any of our roads - best between 5.00 pm and 7.30 pm. Lucky you are, if you hit less than 5 of them a day.

A few weeks ago I saw in the newspaper, the road accident statistics of our beloved state - around 40000 accidents, and around 3900 deaths - in a state the size of a cucumber!. Being a biker who rides around 80 km per day in those busy hours, I was sort of surprised. Though a bit in the other direction as you might had been. Just 40000 accidents! in a state where around 30 million people who literally lives on those 'networks'. In a state where rich people think "I'm rich. So I can do whatever I want" and those who are not so just don't care anything about others drive, or more harmfully, that they need space.

Have you had a single journey through our network of State / National/ International highways without suddenly finding a careless driver changing lanes talking over phone, in front of you? Boy, this is Kerala. This is God's own country. Or 'God's my own' country. Or otherwise, 'Road's my own' country. Ya. It's that bad. Can't help saying.

I lost track of the number of times seeing some drivers asking others " What you are
doing, yaar? Are you crazy?" just because the latter was faster, though the reason for all the fuss was that the former chose the wrong lane while, say, entering to the main road from a pocket road. He has the everyday justification that he was slow. But that is not what was expected of him. Keep the rules. Be careful. Be anticipating about what can come in your way. And that's it. According to me.